I’m at it again with the children’s book parodies because they’re pretty rad. It’s a spontaneous writing adventure and you never know what you’re going to end up with. This time I’m doing a parody of the classic children’s book Goodnight Moon, written by Margaret Wise Brown. Only this one is titled No Sleep Mommy.
In the great big bed
There was a husband
There was a husband
And a miniature human
And no room for –
And no room for –
Mommy to get some goddamn sleep
And there were fists flailing and feet trampling my spine
And two GI Joes
And a couple of assholes
And a little tyrant
And a nervous breakdown rising from my core
And a snore and a fart and a puddle of drool
And me clinging to the mattress, trying to keep from being bucked off
Goodbye sanity
Goodbye Tom Hardy dreams
Eff you, cat jumping on my head
Hello random thoughts
And the song stuck in my head
And the song stuck in my head
Goodnight sorority sisters
Goodnight bachelors
Goodnight bachelors
Goodnight to my nightlife
My joke about never co-sleeping was a hilarious one
Goodnight clock that reads 2:01
And goodnight chores I didn’t get done
Goodnight sink full of dirty dishes
And goodnight clothes molding in the washing machine. Shit.
Goodbye personal space
And goodbye patience
And goodbye patience
Goodnight everyone in the world, except of course me
Hello brain
And hello to over analyzing everything
Goodbye hopes
Goodbye dreams
Cheers to moms everywhere not getting any sleep.
THE END!
I hope you enjoyed my rendition of Goodnight Moon and got a few chuckles in. Raise your hand if you find this illustration a bit unsettling:
Go away, Grandma, you’re making everyone at my sleepover feel uncomfortable.
