Moms everywhere are running on fumes. Screw your “can’t pour from an empty cup” inspirational quotes, that cup is in the dumpster with the rest of 2020 which can go straight back to hell’s dumpster from whence it came. If you’re like me, clawing your way to the new year where hopefully good things are coming, a little humor goes a long way. So fuck your toxic positivity – let’s have a laugh that makes us pee and look a little unhinged while we sit in our cars, alone in the driveway to escape our families. Because here’s one of my favorite inspirational quotes – fuck it. Whether you’re gifting these funny Christmas cards to yourself or to your favorite mom, I just know you’ll enjoy these.
Here are 5 Christmas cards for moms that are just as unhinged as 2020.
Once Upon a Time, I was a hoe
Snuggle in for a nice bedtime story, kids, mommy’s got tales to tell.
Razor thin
If 2020 doesn’t have you feeling stabby, are you even 2020-ing?
I am a fucking gift
On a serious note for just a sec, many parents have lost their jobs this year and are struggling just to keep a roof over their head. And while I poke fun at kids and motherhood, kids (while assholes at times) are surprising the U.S. Postal Service (which uploads pictures of letters kids write to Santa so that people can donate to them if they wish, did you know that!? I was Today years old when I learned about it. They’ve been doing it for 108 years!) with what they’re asking for. Things like help for people who are homeless and money so their parents can pay the bills.
So if you feel like you’re coming up short this year, just lay under the tree and remind your kids that you are a gift. Kidding, I mean I’m not, but please, please go easy on yourself, mama and focus on the things that you do have.
Who’s a special cunt?
Give the gift of passive aggressiveness and purging toxic people from your life. Or send this to your best mom friend, if she’s really your best friend she’ll think this shit is funny.
Are you following me on Instagram and Facebook yet? If you liked this post, you should be because I post funny tweets, memes, and motherhood quotes there on the daily – like this:
Merry Rage Wrapping, mama friends!
